Alone, Focused, and Under Pressure: The Summer That Matters

Here I am again—alone, thinking, trying to figure things out. Not really trying to build a support system right now, but more so trying to lock in on what actually matters. This summer isn’t just another stretch of time—it’s a checkpoint. Everything has to be put into perspective, because there are a few major things in front of me that will define where I go next.

The most important thing, without question, is the comprehensive exam. This isn’t optional. This isn’t something I can take lightly. If I don’t pass it, everything slows down. If I fail it again after that, I’m out of the program. That’s the reality. So this summer can’t be wasted—it has to be intentional. Every day has to move me closer to being ready. This is about progressing in my PhD, proving that I belong here, and pushing forward no matter how uncomfortable it gets.

Then there’s the FE exam on the 16th. That’s right around the corner—about 10 days away—and I can feel the pressure from that. It’s making me nervous because it feels like I don’t have enough time. But instead of panicking, I have to shift how I think about it. At this point, it’s not about trying to learn everything—it’s about mastering how I take the exam. That means understanding the method: how I use the formula sheet efficiently, how I recognize problem types quickly, how I manage time, and how I make smart guesses when I don’t know something. This is about execution, not perfection.

I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to push myself through this—using coffee to stay awake, trying not to eat too much so I don’t get tired—but if I’m being real, I have to be careful with that mindset. I can’t run myself into the ground and expect to perform at a high level. If anything, I need controlled energy, not burnout. The goal isn’t just to grind—it’s to stay sharp. Because if my mind isn’t working, none of this works.

My therapist told me to rest, and I’ve tried to take that seriously, but it’s hard. Because resting feels like falling behind. At the same time, I know that if I don’t rest at all, I won’t be effective. So I’m stuck in that balance—trying to push forward without completely burning out. And on top of all this, I know I haven’t been as aggressive with my research as I need to be. That’s another thing weighing on me. I can’t ignore it anymore. I have to step it up.

At the end of the day, I’m realizing something important: even if I don’t pass the FE exam and don’t become an EIT right now, it’s not the end of everything. It just means I have to reevaluate and adjust. But that doesn’t mean I take it lightly—it just means I stay grounded. What matters is that I give everything I have in this moment.

So yeah, I feel the pressure. I feel the urgency. But maybe that’s what I need. Maybe this is the moment where I stop overthinking and just execute. No distractions. No excuses. Just focus, discipline, and doing what needs to be done.

Because right now, more than anything, I feel that urge—to go harder than I ever have before.