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Now we’re officially in the fourth month of the year, and if I’m being honest with myself, I really should have been more prepared for this month than I am right now. I was prepared a little bit. But not enough. That’s the truth. Everything feels like it’s moving at such a fast pace that I barely have time to catch up with my own thoughts. The days are speeding by, the responsibilities are piling up, and I can feel it physically. I’m not sleeping well. My body is tired in a w

Tonight I’m sitting with one thought more than anything else: I need tomorrow to be different . My hope is that tomorrow is the day things finally begin to take form and take shape. Lately, it feels like I’ve been letting everything except the important things take control of my time, my attention, and my peace of mind. I keep moving, I keep doing things, I keep sending emails and making plans and thinking ahead, but when I stop and really look at it, I have to ask myself a h

Let me take a step back for a second and really process what happened, because I think that’s the only way I can move forward properly. Late February was the turning point. That’s where things started to shift in a way that I didn’t fully understand at the time. I made a decision to reach out to someone that, deep down, I probably shouldn’t have reached out to. Not because they’re a bad person, but because of what that connection represented for me mentally. It wasn’t stable.

I’ve been sitting with this for a while, and I’ll be honest—I really thought about punishing myself for what I did. Sending that email, trying to go back and fix things, apologizing, trying to make amends… even though deep down, I already knew what it was. I told that friend group how I truly felt. I told them they weren’t my friends. That wasn’t something I said out of nowhere—it came from built-up stress, from being drained, from feeling like I was giving more than I was re

The real question I’ve been asking myself lately is simple, but it hits deep: why have I gotten so soft? I’ve been thinking about a situation that really exposed something in me. There was this friend group I used to be around. We would go out to Indian restaurants, hang out, talk, just spend time together like normal. On the surface, everything looked fine. But underneath that, there was one person in that group who constantly asked for my help. Whether it was getting around

I’m going to be honest about something that people usually don’t want to admit out loud. Earlier I said that I didn’t hate anyone, but if I’m being truthful with myself, that isn’t entirely accurate. The situation with the person who cut me off through email has stirred up a lot of anger in me. And pretending that anger isn’t there would just be another form of dishonesty. What frustrates me the most is the lack of clear communication. This person has sent me messages on othe

This morning I found myself praying with a level of honesty that I don’t usually put into words. Sometimes when life becomes overwhelming, prayer becomes the only place where you can say everything exactly as you feel it, without editing yourself or pretending to be stronger than you are. Today I prayed about many things—my productivity, my future, my relationships, my goals—but most of all I prayed for clarity and peace. One thing that has been weighing on my mind is the per

This month is a crucial month for me. I can feel it. There are moments in life where you realize that the direction you're going in will determine a lot of what happens next, and I feel like I’m standing in one of those moments right now. I have a lot that I want to accomplish, especially with my music and the things I’ve been creating. But more than anything, this month is about discipline and learning how to move properly with the time and energy that I have. Recently I tal

This morning started a little differently than usual. I woke up later than I normally do, and by the time I got up, my dad had already left for work. Most mornings I’m the one who takes him, so it felt strange realizing he had already gone. For a moment I wondered if I should feel guilty about that, but honestly I was exhausted. The last couple of weeks have been overwhelming, and my body is clearly still trying to recover from all of it. Still, the day doesn’t stop just beca

After the past couple of weeks, I feel like I’ve been given something I didn’t expect—a new lease on life. Not in some dramatic, cinematic way, but in a quieter, more reflective way. The last two weeks were chaotic, exhausting, and honestly overwhelming. I went through midterms, back-to-back stress, and moments where I wasn’t functioning at my best. But now that I’m stepping back and looking at everything that happened, I feel like I’m being given another chance to make thing

I’m about to go into my therapy session today, and I feel awful. At the same time, a strange kind of relief has come over me. It’s like a weight has finally been lifted, but the path that led me to that relief was messy. I made mistakes along the way. I damaged connections with people. I mishandled situations. I tried to be everywhere all at once, except in the one place I actually needed to be. That’s the pattern I’m starting to notice about myself lately. I move fast. I jug

Things feel like they’re going downhill, and this isn’t something a simple song can fix. I just released the super deluxe edition of Tell Me the Feeling . Two extra songs, and one of them is called “Retrain My Heart.” That song is about teaching myself not to fall in love so easily. It’s about protecting my mental health by learning to be alone and not attaching myself to people who might not stay. It’s about discipline in emotions. And it’s crazy how life will test the exact

I’m not using AI to help me write this. I just want to be honest. Yesterday my professor got onto me. He was disappointed. Not just disappointed — genuinely frustrated that I’m not far enough in my research. He also didn’t like that I’ve used ChatGPT to help organize my ideas and understand certain concepts instead of fully grinding through the papers myself. He basically made it clear: if I keep using AI in ways he doesn’t approve of, he’ll cut me off the team. That hit me h

I’ll be honest. 100% honest. I think my therapist might be right. Yesterday he asked me a question that most people can’t answer easily: Who are you at your core? That question hits differently when you strip away: • achievements • trauma • relationships • mistakes • public perception • even ambition It forces you to sit with yourself without your résumé. I thought I had an answer. For years, I’ve believed that because of when I was born — because of personality frameworks an

It’s 3 o’clock in the morning. I should be asleep. Instead, I’m sitting here wondering if I’ve been sabotaging myself. Not because I’m lazy. Not because I don’t care. But because I have too much to do. And when there’s too much to do, something in me freezes. I stay up late worrying instead of sleeping. I plan instead of executing. I overthink instead of organizing. I haven’t even touched the FE exam the way I should. But it’s not even about “touching the FE exam.” It’s about

It’s the day after Valentine’s Day. And I’ll be honest. Someone called me yesterday. They were checking up on me. It was kind. It was genuine. They said they missed me. The crazy part is they were on my block list, so I didn’t even see the voicemail until later when I went digging. When I finally heard it, I felt something. A little excitement. A little warmth. A little validation. But I could also hear it in their voice. They were tired. Tired, but still missing me. And that

It’s crazy that it’s almost March. Midterms are either here or around the corner. The semester is moving whether I’m ready or not. Time doesn’t slow down just because I’m overwhelmed. It doesn’t pause because I feel unproductive. It doesn’t care if I spent Monday watching YouTube instead of pushing my research forward. And that’s the reality I have to sit with. I just ate a whole sandwich, and now I can’t sleep. Too much food, too late at night. It’s small, but it represents

I don’t know. I’m just getting sadder and more depressed, and I can feel it happening in real time. Part of it is because I push people away—but in my mind, I do it for a good reason. I tell myself they were going to push me away first anyway. I’ve been rejected enough times to believe that before anything even starts, it’s already over. There was this one person I felt close to. We had a shared trauma bond, both struggling with our mental health in different ways. I thought

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about what I really want my life to look like. Not the vague kind of thinking where you say, “I want to be successful someday.” But real, concrete thinking—with dates, milestones, and sacrifices attached to it. And when I strip everything down, I realize I do have a true goal. I want to be a PhD by May 2028. I want to pass the FE exam and become an EIT. I want to release my book in 2030. I want to become an Omega Psi Phi member after I finish

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships. Not in a dramatic way, but in a quiet, lingering way—the kind of thoughts that stay with you even when you’re trying to focus on something else. There was someone who once told me they wanted to hang out with me. They mentioned going to an Indian restaurant together. At first, I didn’t think much of it. It sounded simple. Casual. Friendly. Normal. So I followed up. I emailed them. And they never responded. At first, I tried