Fall Begins: First Week Reflections and Double Album Doubts

It’s the Saturday of the first week of school, and something about the air already feels different.

Fall is officially here. Football is back. The weather’s shifting fast. I had to throw on a jacket this morning just to make it outside comfortably—and last night, I found myself digging through drawers for extra sheets because I get cold easily. There's something comforting about fall, but also something jarring about how quickly it snuck up.

The Chaos of the Week

This entire week was a lot. I held it together—barely. I moved with finesse, did what needed to be done, kept my head down, kept it moving. But underneath all of that, the chaos of the semester's return was bubbling.

Wednesday was supposed to be the highlight. That’s always been my favorite day of the week. Midway through the chaos. A day of realization. A day where something clicks and shifts the tone of the week. But even Wednesday was overwhelming this time. Too much going on, too many things I didn’t anticipate, and not enough hours in the day.

Still, I love Wednesdays. Just like I love Saturdays. Saturday is the day I was born—maybe that’s why it always feels like a soft reset. A moment to catch my breath, even when everything else is swirling.

A New Season, A New Hustle

This semester already feels like I’m running on fumes. And now I’m questioning whether I can actually finish this album in time. September 19th is the deadline. That’s when the album is supposed to drop.

But guess what else is happening that day? The career fair. And yeah, I’m definitely showing up to that, because I’m still searching for a solid job. People don’t understand that I’ve been working hard, grinding silently. Most of it goes unnoticed. But that’s not why I do it.

What really eats at me is how to plan my time. If I’m being honest, I should’ve locked in a solid schedule on Wednesday. Instead, I kept making these broken promises to myself—promises I couldn’t keep. It’s a terrible cycle because when I don’t keep those promises, it makes me question my own discipline. It makes me feel like I’m the problem.

The Double Album Dream

If I’m going to release an album this fall, I want it to be a double album. Not just because it sounds good, but because I’ve been inspired—Justin Bieber did something like that recently, and it gave me ideas.

But here’s the thing: I don’t want Part 2 to feel like an afterthought. If I’m doing this, both halves need to be equally strong. Same number of songs, maybe even more on the second half. That’s the vision. But with the way life is stacking up right now—classes, meetings, research, job hunting—I’m not even sure I’ll finish Part 1.

August felt like my last chance to really focus on music. Now, it feels like I’m stepping into the fire. Fall brings the grind, the hustle, the pressure. It’s like we’re entering hell season.

The Loneliness Beneath the Hustle

I’ve also been feeling something deeper—this hollow ache when it comes to love. I want to go on a date with someone. I want to feel that connection. But I can’t.

I’m too busy. I’ve been too busy. I had to prioritize my own path while I was taking a break from school, and now, being busy is a part of survival. I’m not ready to open myself up to someone new. Maybe I’m not healed. Maybe I’m still trying to find myself again.

So, Where Do I Go From Here?

I’m trying to take it day by day, but every day feels like a mountain. I just hope I can find the right pace. The right plan. The right balance. I want to drop this album. I want to show up at that career fair and finally land a position. I want to stay warm in this cold weather and take care of myself physically, emotionally, and creatively.

This Saturday is just the beginning. The start of fall. The start of a new hustle. The start of something... hard, but maybe something great too.

Let’s see what happens next.