Importance of Prayer

This morning I found myself praying with a level of honesty that I don’t usually put into words. Sometimes when life becomes overwhelming, prayer becomes the only place where you can say everything exactly as you feel it, without editing yourself or pretending to be stronger than you are. Today I prayed about many things—my productivity, my future, my relationships, my goals—but most of all I prayed for clarity and peace.

One thing that has been weighing on my mind is the person who cut me off. I prayed that maybe today they would respond to my email. Not through another platform, not through social media, but through the email itself. Something about that matters to me. A response through email would feel intentional. It would show that they actually took the time to respond directly to what I said. I’m not even sure what I would do if they did respond. I don’t know if I would continue the conversation or simply leave it alone. But part of me still hopes for that moment of closure, that moment where communication is reopened, even if only briefly.

At the same time, I realize that my life cannot be dependent on whether or not someone responds to me. That’s something I’m trying to learn. I have been thinking a lot about productivity and motivation lately, and strangely enough, the feeling of wanting revenge has been one of the strongest motivators I’ve experienced. I’m talking about revenge in the sense of hurting people or tearing anyone down. I’m talking about the kind of revenge where you build your life so well that the people who doubted you eventually see that they underestimated you.

I want the people who talked behind my back, the people who brushed me off, and the people who decided not to take me seriously to eventually see that I succeeded anyway. Because I hate them, and their rejection pushed me to become better. Sometimes pain becomes fuel. Sometimes disappointment becomes motivation.

But even while I feel that motivation, I also have to admit something to myself: I’m not working as hard as I could be. I like to think that I’m working hard enough, but the truth is that I can go further. I can be more disciplined. I can be more focused. That’s something I prayed about as well—that God would help me become more productive and more intentional with the time that I have.

Another thing weighing on my mind is my relationship with my professor. I prayed about that situation too. If he decides that he doesn’t want to continue working with me, I don’t want the reason to be that I simply didn’t work hard enough. I don’t want to be remembered as someone who lacked effort. Instead, if that chapter closes, I hope it closes because he is simply ready to move into a different phase of his life. Professors go through phases too. People get tired of certain responsibilities. They move on to new projects and new interests. That would be understandable.

But what I don’t want is to feel like I failed someone who believed in me.

Right now I know I have about four years to truly get my life together and accomplish the things I’ve set out to do. But if I’m honest with myself, I could probably accomplish many of those things in two years if I stayed absolutely focused. Focus is the real challenge. Focus is what separates people who dream from people who actually finish what they start.

Another thing I prayed for was a stronger support system. My parents are there for me, and my brother is there for me, and I’m deeply grateful for that. But I also hope to build a broader support system. I hope to meet people around my age who genuinely support each other, people who can talk honestly about life, stress, goals, and struggles.

Not acquaintances.

Not people you casually talk to once in a while.

Real friends.

The kind of friendships where people actually show up for each other.

That’s the kind of support system I hope to have one day. And yes, part of me hoped that the person who cut me off might have been one of those people. Maybe that was unrealistic. Maybe it wasn’t meant to happen that way. But the desire for genuine connection is still there.

Another thing I prayed for is something that has bothered me for a long time: I want people to take me seriously.

Being taken seriously doesn’t mean being worshipped or treated like I’m above anyone else. That’s not what I want. I don’t want people to treat me like a god. I simply want people to listen to me, to consider my ideas, and to respect me as a human being. When people take you seriously, they don’t brush you off. They don’t dismiss your thoughts without thinking about them. Even if they disagree with you, they still respect that your perspective matters.

Sometimes respect doesn’t even have to happen face-to-face. Sometimes people respect you quietly from a distance. And honestly, that would be enough for me.

I also prayed about the things I’m trying to build in my life. I’m planning to release an album on the 27th, and I just pray that I can finish it properly. I want the music to sound good. I want to release it without being overwhelmed by everything else going on around me. Maybe this weekend I can stay focused, sit down, and truly finish what I started.

I’ve also been thinking about releasing another project on Juneteenth. That idea excites me. Juneteenth is a powerful day culturally and historically, and releasing something meaningful on that day would feel special. I prayed that I would have the discipline and clarity to make that project a reality as well.

More than anything, I just want this summer to go well. I want it to be a summer where I feel fulfilled. A summer where I can relax a little bit, travel, spend time with family, and enjoy life without constantly feeling anxious or overwhelmed. I want to take trips, laugh more, and enjoy the moments that matter.

At the same time, I want my plans to align with God’s plans. I have ideas about what I want my life to look like—finishing college in 2028, getting my EIT certification, releasing music, publishing a book, being involved in meaningful organizations. I have dreams about building something significant with my life.

But I also know that my plans are not the only plans that exist.

God has plans too.

And the real prayer is that those plans can come together in harmony—that the direction I’m trying to move in aligns with the direction that God wants for my life.

Sometimes I think about relationships too. Part of me still hopes that one day there will be someone in my life who I can truly support and who can support me as well. But I’ve also noticed how difficult communication can be with many people. There are delays, misunderstandings, silence. Because of that, I sometimes wonder if maybe my path is meant to be different—maybe I’m meant to remain single for a long time, or even for the rest of my life.

I don’t know.

And honestly, that decision isn’t entirely up to me.

What matters most is that I don’t put anything above God. I don’t want to treat success, relationships, or ambition like they are more important than faith. I want to keep my priorities in the right place.

Lately my mind has felt like it’s sitting inside a fog. Stress has been piling up. I’ve been pushing myself too hard, worrying too much, and sometimes sabotaging myself without realizing it. I need rest. I need clarity. I need peace.

I prayed for a long and healthy life.

I prayed for the ability to love myself properly so that I can love others properly too.

And I prayed for everyone else who might be struggling with their mental health right now. There are so many people out there who feel overwhelmed, isolated, or lost. Healing isn’t simple. It isn’t quick. But I hope that anyone going through those struggles can eventually find peace and strength again.

Life is complicated.

Faith is complicated.

Growth is complicated.

But I believe brighter days are possible.

And sometimes the first step toward those brighter days is simply being honest in prayer.

In Jesus’ name, amen.