27 and Tired, But Still Here: No More Sabotage. No More Excuses.

Wow… I’m about to be 27. That’s wild. And if I’m being real, 26 felt like hell. Like everything came crashing down. Back to back. It’s like life was testing me to see how much I could take. And honestly? I folded sometimes. But I also got the fuck back up.

Graduating college was the wake-up call. That’s when it hit me: this shit isn’t just about intelligence or even effort. It’s about connections. It’s about being intentional. I wasn’t intentional. And I paid the price. I should’ve walked up to that grad school office and told them what I needed. Instead, I waited. I assumed they’d do their job. But nah, it was on me. I could’ve been in the Spring cohort. I could’ve already started. But I slept on it. That’s my fault.

And let’s not even talk about the FE exam. I studied for months… and then didn’t even take it. That’s the real adult pain — when you realize nobody’s gonna save you from your own inconsistency. I sabotaged myself. Period.

But that’s what this next chapter is about — not sabotaging myself anymore. No more excuses. No more lazy mornings. No more regrets. I’m tired of my own bullshit. I’m owning that.

This year already taught me a lot. I used to miss meetings because I forgot. Now? I’m just late. That may not sound like progress, but to me it is. Because this time, I showed up. Nobody screamed. Nobody punished me. But I still felt like shit. Because I knew — deep down — I was late to my own growth.

I’m preparing for this PhD like it’s my last shot at proving I belong here. I’m pushing myself to build connections — even if I hate networking. I’m trying to find mentors. Start my dissertation early. Work on real-ass research. Go to meetings, exercise every day, and drop music consistently. Even if I feel like no one’s watching, I’m still gonna fucking show up.

And as far as people go? I’m not in the friend zone no more. I call people “pal” but I don’t mean it. I don’t trust them. I don’t want to. I’ve seen what fake support looks like. I don’t need a circle. I got my parents. I got my brother. That’s it. That’s all I need right now. My energy is sacred.

So yeah. I’ve fucked up. I’ve missed chances. But I’m still here. Still breathing. Still dreaming. Still creating. I got twelve songs I believe in. Twelve I’m locking away in the vault, until next year. That’s the new me: only putting out what matters. Being intentional with the sound, the message, the grind.

This next year? I ain’t falling in love. I ain’t chasing nobody. I’m doing my PhD. I’m debating whether I stick with the same professor or try someone new. But either way, I’m staying locked in. No more drifting. No more noise.

It’s time to move like a grown-ass man. Every single day.

Let’s fucking go.