Reflection

“Don’t sabotage yourself, don’t slip off track Tryna move forward, but life pullin’ me back.”

This year has been one of the hardest years of my life—probably the worst. I lost loved ones. I lost friends. I lost opportunities. I struggled in ways I didn’t expect to struggle. I lived in constant fear: fear of damaging things, fear of damaging myself, fear of hurting others, fear of failing, fear of starting over again with nothing. There were moments where I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.

I kept telling myself not to put myself in bad situations. I kept warning myself. But somehow, everything I was afraid of eventually happened anyway. I made mistakes. I damaged things. I damaged my own momentum and my own success—not because I didn’t care, but because I was looking outward for validation instead of grounding myself. I was listening to noise instead of listening to purpose.

And the truth is, I didn’t put God first the way I should have. I tried to handle everything on my own strength. I tried to think my way out of pain. I tried to control outcomes that were never meant to be controlled. That exhaustion catches up to you.

Still, I know something now that I didn’t fully believe before: it’s never too late. No matter how bad it got. No matter how many times I felt behind. No matter how many times I questioned myself.

As I look toward next year, I pray—and I genuinely hope—that it will be better than this one. Not easier, but clearer. More intentional. More aligned. I think about my aunt, who passed away this year, and what she told me when I was struggling through my master’s degree: “You got it.”

She was right. I do got it.

But only if I stay focused. Only if I stay grounded. Only if I stop sabotaging myself.