✨ End-of-Year Reflections: Standing at the Edge of 2025 ✨

It’s literally the end of the year. Not the after-Christmas, fully shut-down, world-is-quiet part of the year — but close enough. Finals are done. The holidays have arrived. And I’m finally at a point where I can breathe for a moment, look around, and actually be realistic about where I am and what I need to do with my life.

This year…This has been the worst year of my life.

Not because everything fell apart — but because everything finally caught up to me.

And now that I’m looking back at the whole timeline, I can’t help but reflect.

The Year That Knocked Me Down

I graduated last December. And right after graduation, I relaxed. I coasted. I thought I had time. I thought I could breathe, rebuild slowly, apply to jobs, apply to grad school, finish my thesis, and ease into the next chapter.

But the truth is: I didn’t take the next year seriously enough.

I had New Year’s resolutions — sure. But I didn’t lock in. I didn’t move with intention. And because of that, everything snowballed.

January 1st hit me like a truck. I realized in that moment that I wasn’t positioned where I needed to be. So I told myself: “Okay. Impact day. Get it together.”

But things still didn’t line up. I talked to professors — no funding. People around me said not to go back to school. So I paused my application and started looking for work. A job rejected me, then emailed back saying they’d contact me “if they wanted to interview me.” So I waited — for a month — and nothing.

That waiting crushed me.

So I went back to what I knew: TSU. My old professor. The lab. The job I could actually get.

And that’s when the downward spiral began.

The Exhaustion Phase

This year exhausted me in every possible way. I had moments where I felt like I was barely holding myself together.

Mistakes. Car scratches. Anxiety about driving. Trying not to disappoint my parents. Trying not to disappoint my professors. Trying to juggle my mental health and my future at the same time.

I didn’t feel independent. I didn’t feel secure. I didn’t feel in control of anything — not even myself.

I finally got back into school in August 2025. I bought a new car. I tried to start fresh.

But those things don’t mean anything unless you get your life together.

Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

This year taught me more about myself than any other year. Here are the things that hit me the hardest:

1. Follow your path — not anyone else’s.

Your parents can love you. They can advise you. They can worry about you.

But they can’t live your life for you.

If you want school, go back to school. If you want a certain job, chase it. If you want a certain career, build it.

You cannot let fear or someone else’s voice derail your direction.

2. You need support — whether you want to admit it or not.

I had this whole “be extremely alone” mission this year. And yeah, sometimes you do need to protect your peace.

But isolation makes confusion louder.

If I had talked to people during that break…If I had let myself interact…If I had expressed what I was thinking…

Maybe I would’ve understood what to do sooner.

I still believe in boundaries. But I also believe in connection — the right kind.

3. Rest is not optional.

This year made one thing very clear: When you don’t rest, you sabotage everything.

Your eating. Your sleep. Your mood. Your performance. Your ability to think clearly.

Everything.

I used to overthink everything. Now I barely think at all.

And I don’t know which version of me is worse.

4. Finish what you start.

The FE exam? I studied for months. And didn’t take it.

That’s a loose end. A ghost that’s going to follow me into the new year.

I need to take it — not for pressure, not for others, but for closure. For principle.

The Emotional Side — The Part That Actually Hurts

This year humbled me.

I thought I was special. Different. Ahead of the curve. Destined for something big.

But this year proved I’m human. Flawed. Breakable. Growing — painfully.

And then there’s the emotional part, the part I never talk about out loud:

There’s someone I miss. Someone who went to Colorado State. Someone whose life moved forward while mine froze.

I imagine us sometimes —living on an island, traveling the world, escaping before the world gets darker.

But wishing doesn’t change reality.

They’re gone. I’m here. And life doesn’t wait.

The Only Advice I Can Give My Younger Self

If I could go back and talk to me from a year ago, I’d say:

• Do things because you need to do them, not because others push or pull you.

• Work every day — and work smart.

• Be intentional. Not reactive.

• Finish what you start, or don’t start it at all.

• Rest. You’re no good to yourself exhausted.

• Find support — even if it’s small.

And maybe I’d add:

“You’re not as alone as you feel. You just don’t trust people yet.”

What Comes Next

I still have music to make. Books to write. Research to complete. Things to learn. Mistakes to correct. Growth to experience.

I’ll be busy this winter break — the good kind of busy.

But this post? This reflection?

It’s my way of ending this year honestly.

Because if I can end the year honest, maybe I can start the next one strong.