Let me take a step back for a second and really process what happened, because I think that’s the only way I can move forward properly. Late February was the turning point. That’s where things started to shift in a way that I didn’t fully understand at the time. I made a decision to reach out to someone that, deep down, I probably shouldn’t have reached out to. Not because they’re a bad person, but because of what that connection represented for me mentally. It wasn’t stable.

This month is a crucial month for me. I can feel it. There are moments in life where you realize that the direction you're going in will determine a lot of what happens next, and I feel like I’m standing in one of those moments right now. I have a lot that I want to accomplish, especially with my music and the things I’ve been creating. But more than anything, this month is about discipline and learning how to move properly with the time and energy that I have. Recently I tal

It’s 3 o’clock in the morning. I should be asleep. Instead, I’m sitting here wondering if I’ve been sabotaging myself. Not because I’m lazy. Not because I don’t care. But because I have too much to do. And when there’s too much to do, something in me freezes. I stay up late worrying instead of sleeping. I plan instead of executing. I overthink instead of organizing. I haven’t even touched the FE exam the way I should. But it’s not even about “touching the FE exam.” It’s about

I don’t know. I’m just getting sadder and more depressed, and I can feel it happening in real time. Part of it is because I push people away—but in my mind, I do it for a good reason. I tell myself they were going to push me away first anyway. I’ve been rejected enough times to believe that before anything even starts, it’s already over. There was this one person I felt close to. We had a shared trauma bond, both struggling with our mental health in different ways. I thought

Lately, I’ve been realizing something uncomfortable but necessary: I have too many goals. And having too many goals is not always a blessing—it can be a burden if you don’t know how to prioritize them. I’ve always been ambitious. I want to do research. I want to pass the FE exam. I want to release music. I want to write a book. I want to build a legacy. I want to graduate with a PhD. I want to be great. But greatness doesn’t come from having dreams. It comes from deciding wha

There’s a question that’s been sitting in my mind for a while now, and I didn’t fully confront it until yesterday: What do you do when you don’t feel special anymore? I wish I had a simple answer. I wish I could say there’s a formula, a checklist, a guaranteed solution. But the truth is—I don’t really know. What I do have is a thought. And that thought is dangerous, exhausting, and motivating all at the same time: If the world doesn’t think you’re special, why not prove that

I’ve always lived with a quiet but persistent fear: the feeling of being overexposed. To me, overexposure isn’t just about being visible. It’s deeper than that. It’s the feeling that people know too much about you—your thoughts, your next moves, your vulnerabilities, your private life. It’s the sense that nothing is truly yours anymore. No privacy. No mystery. No control. When you’re overexposed, it feels like your identity is no longer in your hands. It feels like other peop

We’re officially in a new year— 2026 —and I won’t lie, it feels different. It feels heavy, but it also feels purposeful. After everything I went through last year, I made a vow to myself that this year would be the best year of my life , not because things will magically be easier, but because I’m finally willing to do the work without excuses. Last year taught me something humbling: I’m not special.  And I don’t mean that in a depressing way—I mean it in a grounding way. Non

I Wasn’t Going to Write Another Post… I really wasn’t going to write another post this month. I thought I’d wait until next month, give myself a break, catch my breath. But next month is literally just a day or two away—and I’d be lying to myself if I didn’t admit how bad things have been getting lately. Something in my life is not going right. I can feel it. But the worst part? I don’t know what  needs to change. I just know something has to. The Day That Broke Me a Little L

I just feel so bad. I put myself in a bad state—and I know it. It happens when I give too much of myself to people who don’t deserve it....