When Trying Isn’t Enough: Learning to Let Go and Take Life Seriously

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JVPrSqpRu0M

Let me take a step back for a second and really process what happened, because I think that’s the only way I can move forward properly.

Late February was the turning point. That’s where things started to shift in a way that I didn’t fully understand at the time. I made a decision to reach out to someone that, deep down, I probably shouldn’t have reached out to. Not because they’re a bad person, but because of what that connection represented for me mentally. It wasn’t stable. It wasn’t grounded. It was something that had already been broken, something that already had confusion attached to it. But I ignored all of that and still decided to try again.

And that one decision—something that seemed small at the time—ended up affecting everything.

It wasn’t immediate, but slowly, I started to feel it. I got more tired. Not just physically tired, but mentally exhausted. My focus started slipping. Things that I normally would take seriously, I stopped taking as seriously. My discipline started fading. And I didn’t even realize how bad it was getting until I was already deep into March, feeling like everything was falling apart around me.

It wasn’t just internal either. It started to show externally.

My work started to suffer. My mindset started to shift. And eventually, it got to a point where even my relationship with my professor was affected. That’s when it really hit me—this isn’t just about emotions anymore. This is affecting my future. This is affecting my career. This is affecting the one thing that actually matters right now, which is my work and my progress.

And that’s where the real conflict comes in.

Because part of me still wants everything to work out. Not just with my professor, but with everyone I’ve come into contact with. I want things to be smooth. I want things to be resolved. I want to feel like I didn’t mess anything up. I want to feel like I can go back and fix things.

But at the same time… I’m starting to realize something.

Not everything is meant to be fixed.

That’s a hard truth to accept, especially when you’re someone who wants to make things right. When you’re someone who feels like if you just try a little harder, communicate a little better, reach out one more time, maybe things will change.

But what happens when the other person isn’t trying?

What happens when you’re the only one putting in that effort?

That’s the question I’ve been asking myself over and over again.

Because the truth is, I did try. I reached out. I attempted to make amends. I tried to reopen communication. And when you’re in that position, you start to think, “At least they should understand that I’m trying.”

But the reality is… they don’t have to.

And that’s the part that hurts.

They don’t have to respond. They don’t have to meet you halfway. They don’t have to care that you’re trying.

And once you accept that, you’re forced to face a bigger question:

Why am I still trying to fix something that the other person has already let go of?

That’s where I am right now.

I’m in this space where I’m questioning everything—not just my actions, but my mindset. I know I need to take my life more seriously. I know I need to lock in, focus, and actually move with intention. But the problem is… knowing that and actually doing it are two completely different things.

Because taking your life seriously isn’t just about saying it.

It’s about cutting off the distractions. It’s about not going back to things that already broke you. It’s about accepting that some doors are closed and not trying to reopen them. It’s about protecting your energy, even when it feels uncomfortable.

And I haven’t fully mastered that yet.

This video—and this reflection—is really me trying to understand where I went wrong and how I can correct it moving forward. It’s not about blaming anyone else. It’s not about trying to force people to understand me. It’s about looking at myself and asking:

What do I need to change so that I don’t end up in this position again?

Because at the end of the day, I can’t control whether someone responds. I can’t control whether someone wants to make amends.

But I can control how I move after that.

So now, the focus isn’t on them anymore.

It’s on me.

Figuring out how to stay disciplined. Figuring out how to protect my mental space. Figuring out how to stop chasing closure from people who have already moved on.

And most importantly…

Figuring out how to take my life seriously—for real this time.