A Better Month, A Better Position

I truly believe I’m in a much better position right now than I was back in March.

And honestly, just being able to say that feels like progress.

March was heavy.

It was not just busy in the normal sense—it was mentally crowded, emotionally exhausting, and physically draining. A lot of that month was spent trying to recover from everything that happened in February, and instead of giving myself space to stabilize, March quickly became another month full of pressure, unfinished tasks, emotional spillover, and exhaustion.

It felt like I was constantly trying to catch up.

Catch up with my thoughts.

Catch up with my sleep.

Catch up with my responsibilities.

Catch up with myself.

And the truth is, I never really had a moment to breathe.

But now, I can feel that something is shifting.

This month feels different.

It feels calmer.

It feels more structured.

It feels like I’m finally beginning to regain some control.

What Changed: Simplicity and Focus

One of the biggest things I’ve realized is that sometimes the things stressing me out the most are actually much simpler than I make them in my mind.

Take the album, for example.

I’ve been carrying this project around for what feels like forever.

And when I really stopped and looked at it honestly, I realized something almost frustratingly simple:

all I really need is one good day.

One focused day.

One intentional day where I sit down and gather everything together.

That’s it.

Not twenty scattered sessions.

Not constant overthinking.

Not weeks of worrying.

Just one good day.

And I finally did that.

That matters.

That is real progress.

So now I’m taking that lesson forward.

Next week, I’m going to do the same thing.

The week after that, I’m going to do the same thing again.

I’m really thinking Saturday is the day.

Saturday becomes the day where I work on what is actually important.

No distractions.

No unnecessary emotional detours.

Just focus.

Because that approach works.

Health Is Becoming Part of the Vision

Another thing I’m proud of is that I’m finally becoming more serious about my health.

I want to lose weight.

I want to feel strong.

I want to walk into summer feeling like I actually invested in myself.

I did a lot of walking recently, and even though I didn’t formally work out yesterday, that movement still mattered.

Today, I did work out.

And honestly, I feel really good.

Today’s focus was my arms.

Biceps.

Strength.

Building a stronger upper body.

I want what people casually call a summer body, but for me it’s deeper than aesthetics.

I want to feel healthy.

I want to feel confident.

I want to feel like my body reflects the discipline I’m trying to build in every other area of life.

Yes, part of it is wanting to look good on the beach.

I’ll be honest about that.

I want to feel confident in my own skin.

But more than that, I want my body to reflect consistency.

Health.

Intentionality.

The kind of discipline that says, I show up for myself.

That’s what this really means.

Boundaries, Birthdays, and Emotional Energy

There was one thing today that did bother me, though.

Calling my cousin to say happy birthday.

I regret doing that.

Not because saying happy birthday is inherently wrong, but because it reminded me of something I keep having to relearn:

not every connection needs active maintenance.

We barely talk.

We are not really on the same path right now.

And if I’m being honest, I felt pressured by my family to make that call.

So I did it.

And of course, she didn’t answer.

But she responded to their texts.

Not my call.

That creates a certain feeling.

Not devastation.

Not even major hurt.

But a small sense of inadequacy.

Like maybe I’m not really part of that connection anymore.

And honestly?

That’s okay.

Some people you really can just leave alone.

Let them be.

Not every silence needs interruption.

Not every relationship needs ceremonial maintenance.

Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is simply focus on your own life.

That’s what I need to remember.

Because my life right now demands attention.

The Real Priority: The PhD

At the center of everything right now is the PhD.

That is the real mission.

Everything else exists around that.

And I think it’s important that I say something clearly:

I need a graduation goal.

I know people around me keep saying things like:

“Don’t worry about when you graduate—just graduate.”

And I understand that mindset.

But personally, I don’t agree.

For me, having a timeline gives me structure.

It gives me urgency.

It gives me a measurable vision.

My goal is clear:

December 2028.

That is the target.

If I finish by then, I will be in a very good position.

That gives me about two and a half years.

And from what I can tell academically, I probably have about four more classes after this semester before transitioning fully into dissertation hours.

Spring next year ideally begins that dissertation phase.

That means this upcoming year is critical.

Coursework must finish.

Research must accelerate.

Momentum must build.

FE Exam Reality Check

Now let me be honest about the FE exam.

I have not touched it.

And yes, that sounds crazy even to me.

Especially because I know how important it is.

The FE exam matters because passing it moves me toward becoming an Engineer in Training (EIT).

That credential means something.

Especially in the job market.

A lot of engineering positions value that.

Some almost quietly expect it.

And I know that from experience.

I still remember the Metro Water position.

Even though they said you could pass within six months of employment, realistically companies often prefer someone who already has that credential.

Because from their perspective, it reduces uncertainty.

So now I’m having to think strategically.

Do I keep May?

Do I move it to July?

Honestly, July might make more sense if I want to give it proper attention.

Because right now I’m balancing:

• PhD coursework

• research

• album completion

• physical health goals

• iCorps responsibilities

• future comprehensive exam preparation

That’s a lot.

When Everything Starts Stacking Up

This is where the overwhelm begins.

Now there’s the iCorps project.

Interviews.

Meetings.

Extra work I honestly do not even want to be involved in.

But because someone needs me, it gets added to the plate.

And that’s exactly how life has been feeling lately:

things stacking up faster than I can clear them.

Then suddenly you’re moving constantly but not necessarily moving forward.

Running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

That image is exactly how it feels.

Busy.

But not breathing.

Moving.

But not centered.

And sometimes the answer really is to leave certain things alone.

Not everything deserves your energy.

Career Anxiety and the Job Market

I still think a lot about work after graduation.

Internships.

Future engineering roles.

The dream job.

And if I’m honest, there’s still some pain there.

Because part of me still feels inadequate when I think about how many jobs I applied for and how little came from it.

Thirty applications should mean something.

At least one strong yes.

At least one solid opportunity.

And when that doesn’t happen, it starts affecting how you see yourself.

I know that feeling.

I’ve lived it.

I wanted something major.

A company like Lockheed Martin.

A major engineering organization.

Something that felt like forward momentum.

But the reality is that the market often wants hybrid skills.

Data science.

Programming.

Systems engineering.

Computational depth.

And as a mechanical engineer, that means I need to continue leveling up.

A Real Blessing: Recovery from Last Month

One of the biggest blessings this month was finding both flash drives.

That mattered so much.

Because losing them would have felt like losing pieces of my work and pieces of myself.

And it reminded me that this month already feels better than March.

March was emotionally unstable.

I was exhausted.

I was overreaching emotionally.

Trying to reconnect with someone who did not reconnect with me.

That situation damaged my rest.

My peace.

My focus.

This month feels more grounded.

Less emotionally reactive.

More self-aware.

And I want to protect that.

Especially moving into May.

I need to be careful not to reopen connections that already taught me their lesson.

Looking Ahead

I still have dreams.

I still imagine myself working as an engineer.

Maybe in Houston.

Building a life.

Being around people who energize me.

Living independently.

Doing meaningful work.

That dream still exists.

And that dream is worth working toward.

For now, though, I’m grateful that this month is better than the last.

That alone is progress.

And now the goal is simple:

keep building from here.